Anger
What Is Anger?
Anger is a natural and healthy emotion. It shows up when we feel:
- Threatened
- Treated unfairly
- Frustrated
- Hurt or disrespected
Anger itself isn’t the problem — it’s how we respond to it that matters.
What Does Anger Feel Like?
Anger often shows up in the body and mind:
Physical Signs
- Tense muscles or clenched fists
- Fast heartbeat
- Tight chest
- Feeling hot or flushed
- Shaking
Mental Signs
- Racing thoughts
- “It’s not fair!” or “They shouldn’t have done that!”
- Urge to shout, lash out, or withdraw
What’s Underneath Anger?
Anger is sometimes called a secondary emotion — meaning it can cover up other emotions underneath, such as:
- Hurt
- Fear
- Shame
- Disappointment
- Feeling powerless
Exploring what’s beneath anger can help you respond more calmly and effectively.
The Anger Cycle
-
Trigger :
Something happens (a comment, a memory, an unmet need) -
Thoughts :
“They’re doing this on purpose” / “I’m being disrespected” -
Feelings :
Frustration, injustice, hurt -
Physical reaction :
Body gears up (fight or flight) -
Behaviour :
Yelling, withdrawing, slamming doors, or shutting down -
Consequences :
Guilt, broken relationships, unresolved issues
How CBT Helps with Anger
CBT supports anger management by:
- Identifying triggers
- Noticing unhelpful thought patterns (e.g., “They always do this”)
- Developing calmer thinking styles
- Practising healthy responses
- Learning tools to pause and regulate your body
Helpful Strategies
-
Pause and Breathe :
Slow, deep breathing can calm your body’s fight-or-flight response. -
Label the Emotion :
“I’m noticing I feel angry right now.” -
Check the Thought :
“Is there another way to look at this?” -
Take a Timeout :
Walk away to cool down, then return to the situation. -
Express Anger Assertively :
Use “I” statements to speak up without attacking. E.g., “I feel frustrated when I’m not heard.”
Anger Isn’t Bad — It’s a Signal
When we learn to listen to what anger is telling us, we can respond in ways that help us stay in control, protect our needs, and build better relationships.